Rules of Life
The following Two Truths and 5 Rules of Life seem to be fairly valid...
SIMPLE TRUTH 1:
Lovers help each other undress before sex.However, after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story -- In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.
SIMPLE TRUTH 2:
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats."
But, none of them comes up to the man - touch his penis and say, "Good job."
Moral of the story -- Hard work is rarely appreciated.
FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:
1. Money cannot buy happiness - but it's far more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy - but remember the asshole's name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble - they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Alcohol does not solve any problems - but then, neither does milk.
AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE...
5. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
Condoms do not guarantee safe sex.
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.