Friday, October 28, 2016

Jack Blanchard's Column - 10/27/16

Listen To The New Tennessee Birdwalk
by: Jack Blanchard & Misty Morgan



There is a big black bear living in our back yard.
He moved in some time ago and seems to like it here.

I know he doesn't belong in our neighborhood
because he isn't wearing a baseball cap,
or white socks and sandals..

Everybody around here is afraid of it,
but nobody is doing anything about it.


Don’t carry porridge in your pocket.
Don’t walk around with a pic-a-nic basket.
Be extra careful if he has a little bear behind.
Carry a 12 gauge shotgun or a rolled-up newspaper.
Play grind-organ music and see if he can dance.
If he does dance, let him lead.
If it’s bear mating season, wear armored shorts.
If you don’t have armored shorts, ask him to buy you dinner first.

Don’t wear a fur coat.

Throw a jar of honey as far as you can.
While he’s trying to get the cap off, run away.

Yell for help.
If a neighbor comes out, the bear may like him better.

Don’t sleep in a dumpster.

Wave your arms, scream uggabuggabugga, and run at him.
He may think you’re nuts and give up.
Unfortunately, bears don’t give up as often as you would think.

Caution: Bears can run 30 miles per hour.
Even faster if they're in a car.

Jack Blanchard

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Jack Blanchard & Misty Morgan... 
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