Wednesday, December 4, 2019

MERRY CHRISTMAS ANYWAY Jack Blanchard's Column December 4, 2019


Merry Christmas all you Christians, Jews, Muslims, atheists, rich, poor,
and let's not leave out the fringe weirdos.
Merry Christmas I say,
to all humans, dogs, cats, and miscellaneous living items.

Christmas has been my favorite holiday my whole life,
and I want to share it with you.
You don't have to buy me anything.

Join me in toasting old Saint Nicholas,
if he will fit in our toaster. (Haha. I get jolly at Christmas.)

Cry with me at the ending of "It's a Wonderful Life".
Let's boo and hiss together at Old Mr. Potter.
We'll get sentimental listening to the Christmas carols at Walmart.
What time is Charlie Brown on?

Let's all pray for snow even if we're in Florida.

Enjoy new times with old friends.
If we don't have any friends, let's make some.
Find somebody who looks down in the dumps,
give them a big smile, and toss them a "Merry Christmas".
If they just look at you funny and walk away, so what?
There are other people waiting to be annoyed with our Christmas glee.

Think about your home town, and try to recall the good times.
I think about Buffalo this time of year.
Not necessarily the real Buffalo, but the one that only I remember.
That's where I got all my Christmas spirit to begin with,
shopping downtown... a lost art, and trimming the scotch pine
with people we loved more than we knew at the time.

I laugh and cry a lot as Christmas approaches.
I even cry at commercials.
I laugh easily at funny remarks, especially mine.
It's embarrassing but I don't much care.
Ten minutes after the joke has slipped into the past
I think about it and start laughing again.
Everybody tries not to notice,
and the more I try to stifle it, the more I laugh.
Tears come out of my eyes.
Christmas makes me weak.

So, whatever your religion or non-religion is, Merry Dang Christmas!
You don't have to go to church if you don't want to.
I probably won't, but I might watch Midnight Mass on television,
and I'm not even Catholic.
It's all part of the pageantry that is my holiday,
and I plan to eat too much, mellow out, and enjoy the feeling.

Call me on your holiday and I'll join you,
but listen...
What I'm saying to you right now is this:
"Merry Christmas to all good people."

Jack Blanchard

Jack Blanchard & Misty Morgan
Jack Blanchard & Misty Morgan
Home Page:
Billboard Duet of the Year, 
Grammy and CMA Finalists

© Jack Blanchard, 2019

Wednesday, November 27, 2019

Donna The Prima Donna REMIXED - Dion

Remember Radio Remix
Donna The Prima Donna

"They Just Don't Know How To Do This On The Radio Any More"
Ron Ernie

Tuesday, November 26, 2019

A PECULIAR TALENT - Jack Blanchard's Column November 26, 2019


One of my strange abilities is this:
I can stand or sit for long periods giving no indication of being alive.
It's sort of a self-imposed coma.
I seem to use it when I'm thinking or bored.

When I was a department store Santa Claus
I tried not to cough or blink when anybody was around.
I knew they thought I was a life size Santa doll.
One lady had been browsing through the candy and toys at my feet.
When I moved a little she froze and stared at me for a long moment,
and then went back to looking at the toys.
I coughed and she did a fright dance.

Another time, in another department store,
I was waiting at the bottom of an escalator
for Misty to return from shopping upstairs.
I was bored, and drifted into one of my catatonic states.

I was wearing jeans, cowboy boots and hat, a denim shirt,
and a leather vest that was made for me at an Indian reservation,
on one of our western tours.

A lady was looking at some dresses on my right,
and happened to glance in my direction.
She casually came over and examined me.
I knew what was up and came back to reality, but I was afraid to move.

She reached out and felt the leather of my vest between her thumb and fingers.
I guess my eyes moved in response to her familiarity.
She seemed to go into shock and levitated a few inches straight up.
She put her hand over her heart like Fred Sanford having the big one,
and said, "Oh, my God! You're alive! I'm SO sorry!"
I smiled and said, "No problem."

I was beginning to enjoy these weird episodes.
Is that sick or what?
So, if you happen to come to my funeral, do me a favor...
Poke me a couple of times just to make sure.

Jack Blanchard

Jack Blanchard & Misty Morgan
Jack Blanchard & Misty Morgan
Home Page:
Billboard Duet of the Year, Grammy and CMA Finalists

© Jack Blanchard, 2019