Tuesday, August 8, 2017

The Lighter Side...Jokes for YOU!



Rules of Life

The following Two Truths and 5 Rules of Life seem to be fairly valid...

SIMPLE TRUTH 1:
Lovers help each other undress before sex.However, after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story -- In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.
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SIMPLE TRUTH 2:
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats."

But, none of them comes up to the man - touch his penis and say, "Good job."

Moral of the story -- Hard work is rarely appreciated.
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FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:

1. Money cannot buy happiness - but it's far more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy - but remember the asshole's name.

3. If you help someone when they're in trouble - they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

4. Alcohol does not solve any problems - but then, neither does milk.

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE...

5. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
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BONUS RULE:

Condoms do not guarantee safe sex.
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

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